No Matter What I Say, It’s Wrong

Do you ever feel like every word that comes out of your mouth, it’s the wrong thing? Even if it’s just a question, it’s something you shouldn’t ask?

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 9 months now and it’s starting to wear off. I am getting sick and tired of being 5,000 miles apart from the person I love the most. When you’re that far apart for that long from the person you love with no way of having any physical connection, all that’s left is the verbal. At first it was fine because we had a lot of things to talk about and a lot that we had to learn about each other. We were great. Sure, there were minor tiffs here and there but we got over it and moved on. But sooner or later, the tiffs turn into arguments, and the arguments turn into fights. You start yelling and cursing at each other when you don’t mean any of it but you’re just too stubborn to apologize for any of it.

Is it necessary? That’s my question. Is all this arguing necessary? They say that all couples fight and argue but there should be a limit when you say “enough.”

Any word that I say can turn into the wrong message. People end up interpreting words in a way that you had no intention of happening. And when you say that that’s not what you meant, and they say that’s what it sounded like, what do you do? Do you apologize for “sounding” wrong? Should they apologize for interpreting the message wrong? Who’s at fault?

When I get into arguments and I just want the tension to stop, I apologize for the things that I know I did wrong. He comes back with “I don’t want you to apologize, there’s no need for you to do so.” Really? If we’re arguing, isn’t there something that needs to be settled? Or do you just brush it off? Even if you are able to brush it off, that tension still remains. It didn’t go anywhere and sooner or later, it’ll come back. It always does. It has been for the past 4 months. So what do I do? I haven’t got a clue.

Mercury retrograde is a bitch.

This distance needs to go from 5,000 miles to 5 inches. Even though I’m sick of being in this situation, and we both are for that matter, all those months we’ve spent apart will go to a waste. All that pain, arguing, fighting would’ve been for nothing if we broke up. So, I stick with it. You know why? Because he tells me that everything’s going to be okay once I’m back in his arms… And I choose to believe his words. Even though I’m scared and I don’t know if the arguing will stop or continue, I’ll believe the man I love and stick by his words. I just hope he’s right.

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