Archive for February, 2011

Looking Foward…

So I finally got confirmation that I could take two of my midterms early so that I can go to Japan for my spring break for two weeks instead of just one.  I’d be missing a weeks worth of classes but my professors seemed to be okay with it.  I finally get to see my parents after being away from them for nearly 7 months…wow, that long?  Shit.

I get to see my little Milo and the vase that holds Cocoa’s ashes.  I do a ritual my brother Terry taught me in which I light a white candle, an incense graciously given to me by my friend Gregg, and present a bowl of food (either dog food or rice).  I light the candle, light the incense and stick the incense in the food.  When it’s done burning, it means Cocoa is done eating.  I do this for her every Monday.  I could tell she appreciates it and it makes me feel better knowing that I’m doing something for her since I wasn’t with her at the time of her death.  But she’s always with me.

Mondays are my hectic days for I have three back-to-back classes and then another one later on that same day.  I leave my room around 10:45 a.m. and don’t get back till about 6:30 p.m.  As I walk home, every Monday, I could feel Cocoa’s presence in my room just waiting for her offering.  I could sense her jumping up and down on my bed waiting for the food like she used to when she was alive.  Her spirit is always in my room and she appears when I need her the most.  When I’m freezing from the winter’s unforgiving breeze, I feel Cocoa’s warmth right beside me.

It’ll be extremely weird to only see Milo when I visit my parents in Japan, but I know that Cocoa will be waiting for me there.  Who knows, maybe she’ll even ride with me on the plane.  She’s always there and I never forget that.

I look forward to the two weeks I spend in Japan and I have just about a month to wait till that day comes for me to get on the plane.  Once I get back from my trip, it’ll just be two months till graduation.  Others fear graduation because they’re going to step into the “real world.”  What the hell are they talking about?  As if the world surrounding us in college is its own orb of protection of what’s really there?  Is what we’re living right now in college not the “real world”?  That’s just ignorant.  This is the real world whether if you’re in college or not. My outlook is that college is a place to gain knowledge of what comes ahead of you and to not be afraid.  One way or another, we’ll survive.

I made a countdown list of the days left till graduation.  I’m left with 107 days.  It seems like a lot but it’s really not.  Some days I’ll beg to differ when I’m missing my friends back home so much, but I know as soon as I step off that plane and step onto my home I longed for, I’ll be like “Oh…It’s over…Really?  That’s it?”

I’m ready world.