I am not going to take your negativity New York

I just had a realization that is extremely important.

Yesterday was just about the worst day I’ve had in a long time.  As soon as I got back to my dorm at Marist, I just could not stop crying.  The thought that ran through my head was simply “I don’t belong here…Why the hell am I here???!!”  My whole life is in Hawaii and I just left it behind.  What is wrong with me?

I got to my dorm at 12 p.m. and didn’t stop crying till about 8 p.m.  I cried so much that I started to get a headache and dehydrated from all the tears.  It was like a nightmare that I just couldn’t wake up from.  I hate it here.  I’ll say it out loud, I hate New York.  I hate the mainland.  Hawaii is my home.  I know what most people say is that “why don’t you just transfer out then and stop complaining?”  Trust me, I’ve thought that same thing over and over.  But quitting school or transferring at this late of stage when I’m so close to graduation just wouldn’t look good when I go for a perspective job interview.  I just got to tough it out.  I’m sorry if my complaining is annoying but that is how I get through some days.  If it annoys you then you know what?  You don’t have to talk to me.  And that’s totally fine.

But after all the negative thoughts I’ve been having, I’ve been attracting a series of negative events such as my endless crying phase, waking up my friend just to have someone to talk to about how shitty I’m feeling, disturbing my boyfriend while he’s at work busting his ass, crying to my mother, crying to my father, and coming to no real salvation of satisfaction.

I woke up this morning, got ready, talked to my boyfriend and left for class.  While walking through the wet unpaved snowed, slippery, slushy walkway, I wondered why I didn’t see anyone around.  The campus was deserted and that’s when I realized that I have to remember to call the weather hotline.   I did so and was told my a little automatic voicemail by Marist College..” all day classes are canceled.”

Thank you so much for the “warm” welcome back home New York but you know what I realized?  Because I’ve been so negative, that is what you have been giving me is negative energy and events.  So I’ve decided.  No more negative thoughts.  Just positive.  I am not going to let you get to me New York with your cold freezing winter and unforgiving ways.  I have an amazing man, amazing friends and an amazing life waiting for me back home in Hawaii and that is all that matters to me.  I only have to deal with you for 4 more months and I will not be setting foot into your horrible winter conditions and negative energy anymore for a long, extremely long time.

I love my life in Hawaii.  I did this to myself by moving out here but at least now I know that I do not belong on the mainland.  My life, my man, my friend and my sanity will be there with all support back home.  I will not let you get to me New York.  I just have to keep in mind…

…positive thoughts and positive energy.  Guides–please help me through these last few months.

Okay…Time to sage my room to get rid of remaining negative energy and set a calm positive space.

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