Archive for August, 2010

When I learned, wondered, and fell in Love

It was when I was five years old that I first learned about “Love”.  At that time, Love was merely the love that families shared for one another.  The love you have for your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, or even your pet dog, cat, bird, fish or anything that presents a beating heart.  I’ve always believed that you should treasure those you have given life to you whether if it’s through birth or through an amazing life journey that you take with another human being.  At five years old, I was naive and innocent with the many different terms of love like any young girl would be.  I knew that I loved my parents, my brothers, and my dogs.  But little did I know that others will creep in with love, most of the time disguised as lust, to tamper with your assumption of what you think and believe love represents.  This can come in the form of either a lover or a friendship. Sometimes the two even collides when you get too close to a “friend”. But at five years old, I don’t know about this.  I’m just a pure innocent little girl waiting to explore life’s riches, and what the word “Love” really meant.

As I aged into my teen years, that’s when I started to wonder about Love.  At this point, I’ve been hurt in a way where my heart became too afraid to trust another human being.  I’ve been betrayed by friends which only realized till after they have screwed me over that I was actually not a bad friend and decided that they wanted to keep me around.  Well…Sorry, I won’t put my heart through such deranged mistreatment by another person that is unconscious to what they are doing while living in the moment.  Now, the other type of Love is through a lover and I know most of you are thinking the same thing I’m thinking.  How can you believe the words that come out of the this individual and really, and I mean really believe what they’re saying.  I’ll tell you this from what I have learned so far:  If you have any, ANY doubts at all about what this person is telling you and whether or not if they mean it, they don’t.  You yourself should know instantly and with your heart and mind, there should be no doubt as to whether or not you believe what this person is telling you.  I’ve had my share of heartbreak and never believed what someone has told me and believed that they were genuine.  It was just too much of another life cycle that involved too much tears and sitting in dark rooms alone till someone brought me out of my funk.  I realized that I cannot get upset over someone that has hurt me because that was not the one that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.  They were just another life experience that we learn from and must move on from.  It’s really as simple as that.  If you end up breaking up with the last person you dated, that is not the one you are meant to be with.  The one you are meant to be with will never EVER let you go and realize what they have at that very moment rather than after they lose you.  And that brings me to my final point of when you know you are actually in Love.

There are many different levels of falling in love and none of the stories are ever the same.  Some couples start off as friends, others start by dating for a few months, and others just fall in love at first sight.  My friend once told me that men actually believe in love at first sight more than women do because women ponder too much about a failed relationship and instantly believe that any man they date next will just turn into a complete waste of time.  So we put up boundaries and make sure that our heart doesn’t get shattered into a million pieces.  When I fell in love, it was like a ton of bricks hit me right in my heart.  I’ve only known the man for 10 days and already I knew that I was in love.  This may be crazy to some but I wouldn’t be writing about this man if he wasn’t worth my words.  He wouldn’t put up with waking up at 2 in the morning to talk to me while I’m getting ready for class. We are in a long distance relationship, him in Hawaii and me in New York.  It’s really not as bad as it seems since now we have networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter and WordPress.  We also have texting, calling and Skype so that we can actually still “see” each other.  We fell in love in the most story-book way possible, almost like it was love at first sight.  I’ve never really believed in that but now I may have to re-think the term of Love.  I found the man that I want to be with and I know this even though I’ve been dating him for about a month and a half.  We are like two crazy kids in love and doesn’t care what the world thinks.
When you fall in love…You’ll know.  There will be no doubt in your mind about what Love is when you’ve finally found it.  You may fall in love more than once but know that that was just a stepping stone to the real adventure that you will take with another individual for the rest of your life.  And that adventure will define your own meaning for the word “Love” and you will live happily ever after.

A very long goodbye

I go to school in Poughkeepsie, New York.  Poughkeepsie…What an odd name of a city.  Someone actually took the time out of their day to think up a name for this small portion of New York and they come up with that?

Anyways, it has only been about a month and two weeks since I have been seeing my boyfriend Daniel and already we are separated for three and a half months.  The night that I had to leave him without me was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.  Never have I’ve met someone so perfect and so willing to go through a long distance relationship and when I asked him why he is okay with doing this, he said “Because I know you’ll be back.”  Not many people look at it the way Daniel does.  Many people would rather look at the small picture than the bigger picture.

Small picture–I’m in New York and he’s in Hawaii.  I’m not physically with him.

Bigger picture–I’ll be back in just three and a half months and nothing will penetrate the strong love that we have for each other.

I know what you’re thinking.  “You fell in love with someone after just a month??!!”

Yes.  I did.  And I have never been more sure in my life.  I hardly even think about my past relationships and how badly I’ve been treated because Daniel has been nothing but amazing to me.  People will say that we are just two fools in love but if being called a fool is what it takes for people to really believe that I love this man, then so be it.  I’m a fool.  I have never been more sure about anyone is such a short amount of time.  But love really does not have a time limit and the fact that I have no doubts in my mind about our long distance situation just goes to show how much I trust and love him with all my heart.  And he tells me the words that every girl wants to hear but there is only one difference that separates his sentences from the past…I believe him word for word.

The night that I left him, I wasn’t crying.  This surprised me beyond belief because a couple days before the separation, I was crying like I was 2 years old again.  But this showed me how confident I am about going away.  Of course the no-tear phase didn’t last long.  As soon as I started driving out of his drive-way, the flood arose.  I jumped out of my car, hugged him as tight as I could, and started tearing all over his shoulder.

After I left, while I was driving on the freeway, I was wondering why the world didn’t stop for us.  I just left my boyfriend to go to New York, a place where I don’t even like, and the world just keeps moving along?  The radio keeps playing it’s repeated songs over and over while I stare into the dark freeway hoping everyone would stop what they are doing to realize what has just happened.  But of course, that’s just nonsense.  The world goes on and so must we.  We will get through the thousands of miles of distance separating us physically, but spiritually and mentally I am always with him.

Me and Daniel at Cheesecake Factory